OH SNAP SON
You want to talk smack about the vorcha, you best be prepared to back that shit up!
Fact or fiction? No one in the galaxy knows how the fuck the vorcha got off their planet. FACT. They don’t have space flight. They barely know how to read or write. Here’s what basically happened. A couple of vorcha stowed away on a traveler’s ship and then they spread all over the galaxy.
They are the fucking tribbles of the Mass Effect universe. Violent, primitive tribbles who don’t take shit from anyone.
And when I say anyone, I mean it. The damn Reapers came to their homeworld of Hestok and the vorcha barely blinked. The Reapers were reduced to basically running around the vorcha homeworld with the Benny Hill chase music blaring in the background. Why, you ask? Because the vorcha aren’t intimidated as a group. Unless a Reaper threatens them personally, they don’t give a shit. And for good reason.
They have the most unique biology in the entire galaxy. They’re made of non-differentiated cells, giving them regen abilities. You know that really annoying feeling when you shoot a vorcha in-game and they start regening right away? That’s how they roll.
Because of this, they can adapt to any environment or injury. Get burned? They grow thicker skin. Take away their water? Their bodies adapt to get moisture from the atmosphere. Lose a limb? They grow one back.
These fuckers are the living embodiment of the YOLO lifestyle. Did you know the vorcha only live until they’re about twenty years old? They have no government, they have no natural resources on their planet. All they do is fuck and fight.
But occasionally, other species will try to educate the vorcha to use them as skilled laborers. Not many want to take on the expense, though, when a vorcha’s lifespan is so short. But when they do, they can have amazing results.
Like the groups that helped in the Reaper War. That’s right. The vorcha helped. Even having no organized government and no space flight, the vorcha held their own in the war.
Let me tell you about the Void Devils Fight Wing. These badass pilots were co-trained by humans and turians. Once they’re given their target, they don’t stop until every fucker is dead. They’ve become legendary for their courage. Think about that. Races like the turians and krogan think these pilots are courageous.
Next there’s the vorcha labor team. Without them, the Crucible doesn’t get built. End of story. Goodbye galaxy, better luck next cycle. See, the Crucible was built on a planet that had no magnetosphere, which meant it was bathed in a shit ton of radiation. Good for keeping away the enemies, bad when you actually need to do work on the hull. But the Crucible had the vorcha, who had been trained for precision work. And because of their unique biology, they could work on the hull and heal themselves of the radiation poisoning as they did.
IN CONCLUSION: Don’t mess with the vorcha. What doesn’t kill them makes them stronger. Literally.
Next up: the hanar
I lost it at the Benny Hill reference.